Howdy, folks, and happy October! (It’s snowing here in Chicago lol)
Before I get down to business on today’s post, I want to let you know of two big events coming up this week:
First, I’ll be in conversation with Susan Chin and Vinson Cunningham tomorrow evening (10/28) to talk about urbanism during the pandemic (virtually) at the Museum of the City of New York.More info and tickets here.
Alright,
now back to the main event. We’re back in Cook County, Illinois because
of course we are, and this house falls into the rare McMansion Hell
category of “this house is terrible but also kind of cute somehow????”
It’s
a shame you can’t really see the turret because it adds so much.
Anyways, this house is peak 70s McMansion: longer than it is tall,
involves a mansard, big picture windows, not too adventurous roof-wise.
Still, it’s 6900 square feet boasting 5 bedrooms and 6.5 baths all at a
whopping $1.5 million dollars. Just some pocket change, you know…
Let’s see inside, shall we?
Lawyer Foyer
All
I want is some Looney Tunes action where some’s coming up from the
basement and someone’s coming in the front door and WHAM!!!!
Sitting Room
I kind of stan the dog pots though…
Dining Room
I think the wallpaper might be crabs???? (????)
Kitchen
Pros of tile countertops: v twee and cute Cons of tile countertops: grout
Also
we NEED to bring back the kitschy farmhouse aesthetic from 40 years
ago. No more quartz countertops. It’s time for tiles with chickens on
them!!!
Sunroom
Is this room supposed to be like weirdly tropical?? or Parisian??? or Martha Stewart??? or???
Vibe check: [please calibrate vibe checker and try again]
Office
After all, inside every middle manager is a languishing Hemingway…
Main Bedroom
“Struggled hard for these views (six arm flexing emojis)”
Also,
disclosure: McMansion Hell will no longer use the term “master bedroom”
because it’s antiquated and never made much sense after the (American)
Civil War if you really think about it for more than three seconds.
Main Bathroom
where to purchase malachite wallpaper asking for a friend (the friend is my office)
Spare Bedroom
Nothing says “I am a fun-loving carefree and slightly cRaZy girl” like this font:
Alright,
that’s it for the inside. Instead of the rear exterior though, I’m
going to end this post with a fun aerial shot instead just to show that
my suspicions about this house have been confirmed.
Secret Aerial Footage (helicopter sounds)
See, this house is actually very weird!!!! It is not as cute when all of its wily tricks have been revealed!!!!
There
is a whole new slate of Patreon rewards, including: good house of the
month, an exclusive Discord server, weekly drawings, monthly
livestreams, a reading group, free merch at certain tiers and more!
Not into recurring donations but still want to show support? Consider the tip jar! (Tips are much appreciated since I am making a cross country move in two weeks!!!)
Or, Check out the McMansion Hell Store! Proceeds from the store help protect great buildings from the wrecking ball.
